Better respond bit by bit. Lots there :)

marlboro-I haven't remembered much of anything in anyway actually.

Basically what you suggest is exactly what happened but i think more subtle. I think it was how I was 'experiencing' life (haven't got to bottom yet so somewhat speculative). I totally believe the body/mind etc shut down 'pain' when its too much for us to handle. Actually alot of our numbing behavoirs and habits are exactly for that reason. Obesity for example, I believe is often to do with numbing the senses (often how woman experienced thier mothers for example). They use food to numb the body and senses because its too hard to deal with the perception (especially if you have no way of knowing how to deal with it-how many kids are taught how to deal with painful experieces, especially when they are perceptions about things that others (parents) percieve differently).

I'm still digging to the bottom of my stuff and I'm sure I will be for the rest of this life :) but its a cool journey.

I am very very greatful for the opportunity I had to day to do some healing with the guidence of my friend and teacher, JP. We spent almost three hrs and I learned much about myself and my parents and sister (my true perceptions of them etc). Some great healing and digging processes and a wonderful lesson in intuition.

marlboro-I wish I had word to say related to your experience. All I can say is it apears you have done some work on that yourself and I thank you for sharing it here. Those kind of situations are amazingly tramatic for the human mind to try to come to grips with...never mind a child.

You experience supports our thoughts that if we don't heal past experiences you move on through life experiencing it through the protection filters we learned along the way.

Your type of experience I suspect holds a huge potential for guilt (in the mind of your 3yr old self thinking you should do something even though your adult mind knows there is nothing you could have done). But untill the child within is healed (the feelings) the logical understanding of ones adult self experiences the feelings over and over again (or the manner of supression or shutting out (or in) and it becomes a way we go through life.

As you and I have both experienced.

I believe that when we truely heal (not learn to 'deal with') then that part of us 'comes back'. The part that doesn't 'see' or 'hear' or 'trust' or 'accept'..and the list goes on and on...

I believe its kind of like a broken leg that isn't set and never heals properly. With emotional healing (energy gets involved here too and we ARE energy beings) the leg can truely be healed a knew.

marlboro-your experience of 'talking to God' sounds wonderful. And it IS yoUr experience and no one tell you other wise. Though EGO may choose to listen to others nay saying as but you do not have to be controled by your ego IMO

I would like to invite you to entertain the possibility that it is your EGO that is telling you it is 'sad' and that feels the need to controle it (ego is scared by lack of controle and therefor any experience that suggests it is not in controle).

I would speculate that maybe it is our ego that shuts down our hearing when hearing has been too painful to deal with or our vision when something is too hard to see.

If our belief system is conditioned not to believe in...say ghost and lets say there are ghosts... then how big a threat is that to ego's view of self??? I tend to think, and what do I know, that if it threatens the ego too much, egos belief of who we are, then ego shuts it out or gives us a different perspective.

The story goes that the Indians could NOT see Colubus's ships. The theory is that because they had no belief system that allowed for the concept of ships, ships then they were not able to be seen. Quantum Physics supports this type of theory..that we have to know what we are looking at to see it.

A personal example. I was brought up not believing in ghosts. I spent about two weeks sleeping in a temple in which many claimed (including monks) to see ghosts almost nightly. I saw none and I never have seen any. Is everyone else lieing?? Are the monks lieing? Are thier minds creating things for them? Or is my mind unable to see them?

All the millions of bits of info we take in and we only process thousands...

Does everyone who believes different to me a lier or delusional to me? How can we all think this. Its not even logical in the greatest stretch of the imagination.