comedy genius / fav comedians part II


Do you Like Jimmy carr?



heres his--- :

These are sooo Jimmy Carr one-liners :))


My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning.....can you believe that?..... 2:30am! Lucky for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador.""f*ck that" says Mick" have you seen how many of their owners go blind"

Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!"

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest p*nis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg"

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid........then I was petrified.


I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said I would like to come back as a cow. I said you're obviously not listening.

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.